Thursday, November 11, 2010

Top 10 things we learned from the Manchester derby

Top 10 things we learned from the Manchester derby

The Manchester derby was hyped up as THE game of the week, but was all a bit of an anti-climax in the end, finishing in a goalless draw. But what did we learn from the match?

1) Fergie blames the fourth estate (again)
Before the game Fergie blamed the press (quelle surprise) for cranking up the anticipation ahead of the derby match. "The last two or three days, the press have made a meal of it, but it'll be a great match," he said. This is the same man who just yesterday branded City a “small club with a small mentality”. Yeah. It's all down to the press Sir Alex. Oh, and he was wrong - it really wasn't a great match. So there.

2) Never judge a book by it's cover (part II)
Last night this column used the age old phrase for daring to doubt that Stoke vs Birmingham would be an instant classic, and tonight we went and got all excited for the Manc derby, only to end up wishing we'd turned over to watch The Apprentice instead. Will we ever learn?

3) Who got fired on The Apprentice?
That is in fact one thing we didn'tlearn by choosing to watch the Manchester derby instead. Now you're probably expecting some weak 'You're fired!" joke about Roberto Mancini aren't you? Well tough, even we have some standards, so you're not getting one.

4) Fergie's still the mind game master
"Hark!" Shreiked an anguished Fergie on Tuesday. "All my best players have got a virus and won't be able to play against the noisy neighbours!" Yes we were told that Rio Ferdinand, Nemanja Vidic, Patrice Evra, Dimitar Berbatov, Nani and Paul Scholes were all doubtful for the match with a virus caught in Turkey, but then miraculously they all played. Amazing. Must have been one of those 24-hour things eh Fergie?

5) Some things never change
The match was just a few seconds old when the first tackle flew in. It was from Scholes, from behind. And it was late. Ah, we'll miss him when he's gone.

6) Some things do change
Manchester United put out a very unusual team sheet before kick off - it didn't contain the name 'Ryan Giggs'. Remarkably this was the first Manchester derby the Welshman has missed in 19 freakin' years. Before tonight he had played in 33 consecutive games against the Citizens.

7) These foreigners don't like it up 'em!
Patrice Evra had to come off with a knock. Mind you, he really must have been injured as he sat down on the pitch and even took his gloves off! Maybe his hands just got really hot and were starting to chafe. "I need some moisturiser over here! Stat!"

8) General confusion
Good to see the world's number 1 golfer Lee Westwood at Eastlands watching the game. The Sky cameras pictured him in deep conversation with Fabio Capello - well, Capello was gabbling away while Lee just sat there looking deeply confused. Happily the Italian is used to this reaction every time he tries to impart tactical instructions in the England dressing room.

9) Gary Barry doesn't like Man United
Gareth Barry has neverwon a Premier League match against Manchester United. And on this evidence, he won't be beating them anytime soon. Is it just us, or does he look half the player he did in his pomp at Villa?

10) Up the revolution!
Apparently the students tearing up Millbank earlier in the day were chanting "Glory glory Man United!". Good to see the heartland of United's support is keeping up Red Nev's leftie, socialist tendencies.